Letting go

Love is a beautiful thing, and when its with the right person there is nothing that can make you happier. Sometimes its the right person but the wrong time, sometimes its just the wrong person in general. It can make you the happiest person and it can make you feel like you can accomplish anything in the world, but what do you do when you get your heart broken? How do you cope with the feeling of loosing someone you thought would’ve been there forever. You go from being with that person everyday doing everything together. They become your bestfriend, your lover. Most of us that are in love break up with the person and think oh its temporary, we’ll be fine next week.. but what happens if you’ve realized this is it. What happens when your tired of trying when your tired of being the only one trying, tired of being hurt. If you would’ve asked me about me relationship a year ago, I would’ve told you that I had met the man of my dreams, I had finally met the man I was going to marry and build a life with. If you ask me now, I can’t help but cry, why? because in a matter of 6 months the relationship that we had both worked so hard on died out. It became fights after fights for multiple reasons, we always made up after, but I always ended up being hurt. We would break up and he would do the usual guy stuff and go out and get drunk with his friends he would lie to me about it. I was tired of it all but I am in love, and I wanted to keep trying as much as I possibly could. Until one day he pushed my buttons and I let go. I wrote him a long message expressing my feelings, expressing how hurt I was. I asked that he would just let me know if what I thought was forever, was forever to him as well, I asked for him to tell me that the way our life was now wasn’t going to be that way… I never got a response from him. He called me that night, I hoped it was to answer my question but he just stayed on the line quiet. Im hurting bad inside, but I’ve spent the last year trying to fix things and he doesn’t want it to be fixed. You cant force something that hasn’t been. What I’m trying to get at here, is that when you spend all night crying your eyes out because some guy/girl broke your heart that other person is enjoying life without a care in the world. When someone cares for you and loves you they will do anything in their power to make sure that you are happy. You know you deserve so much better because you are a beautiful human being, but you don’t want better… You want him. We’ve all been there, we all like to pretend we are okay we all like to pretend that nothings going on, when in reality inside we are a cup full of water, one more drop and we will over flow. What im getting at is, you know that you can do so much better but you don’t want better you want him. I have some advice for you, from someone that has had her heart broken one to many times by the same guy.Think of all the beautiful memories you have together, how happy he made you.. Now think of all the fights all the times he broke your heart, all the times he lied and made you feel like complete SHIT. If you have more bad memories than good, LET GO, if he hasn’t showed interest in your relationship LET GO. What they don’t understand is that we don’t want marriage right now, or kids right now; We just want stability, we want someone to work with us to build an amazing future together. Someone you can travel the world with someone that will love you unconditionally someone that will push you forward no matter what. You don’t need his negativity. LET GO. Look back at the past couple of years, what changed in you? What changes did you make in your life to accommodate this person? What positive outcomes did you get from this relationship? I fell in love with a thug. He had to live that type of life style always, he could never push me forward because he never pushed himself forward.Everyone knew he had alot of potential in him, but he wasn’t willing to work hard for it. He wanted someone to stay there next to him at the same level and I realized I could no longer be that person because I wanted better for myself, for my future. As much as I still want to spend the rest of my life with him, I can’t do it this way and although I am not over him nor do I plan to be theres a couple of steps that help get through it all. It’s never easy getting your heart broken and it’s even harder getting over it. I had been with this guy for 5 years already I literally thought we had been through it all and suddenly are relationship turned into complete s***!! He was lying to me and doing things I thought for sure had been left in our highschool years. I was so wrong, and I didn’t even know it yet. It wasn’t easy when I realized it was time for me to let go.
Cry: My mom always told me, if you’re going to cry, cry it out but you give one good cry and then thats it you never cry for that man/woman ever again. This might sound weird, but trust me holding it in does not help at all. Let it out. Listen to songs that remind you of him/ her and cry your eyes out. The next day you put on your best face, get dolled up and pretend you didn’t just spend the last 4 hours crying for this person.
Fresh start: Give yourself a fresh start, get rid of anything you don’t want. If you don’t want any pictures of him on your social media delete them all. If you want to keep memories make a folder and save them in there, hide that folder so you don’t have to see it everyday. I recommend doing this while you do the first step that way you stick to the only crying once step.
Friends:Did you lose your friends throughout this relationship? Chances are it was your fault, for putting your relationship first… Apologize, admit that you were wrong. If your friend is really a good friend they’ll forgive you. It might take a while, but they will forgive you eventually. After all they were there before him anyway.
Family: Did you fight with family because of this person? Do the same thing you did with your friends.
Apologize. Admit your faults. When I think of this, all I can think is “ Momma knows best ”.. They don’t say that for no reason.. If I would’ve listened to my mom years ago when she told me not to do this, I would’ve saved myself this heart break. Instead I wanted to prove that he wasn’t what everyone thought he was, I wanted to prove that he could be so much better than anyone! Boy was I wrong. He turned out to be everything she said he would. No one ever doubted he loved me, but his love for money and drugs was stronger. She saw that.. I didn’t. Again apologize. Family is family and they will forgive you no matter what mistakes you make.
Girls day!: If you haven’t lost your girlfriends, plan a trip together. NO BOYFRIENDS, NO DRAMA. GIRLS DAY ONLY! Trust me it will be needed. Your girlfriends at this point are your back bone, they are your support system. They are the ones that will help you get through this.
Talk about it: Most people think after a break up its not okay to talk about your feelings. They feel that they aren’t allowed to be sad because that other person is going to see them as the weaker person. Wrong, you are the stronger person you LET GO. You are overcoming this obstacle. You are moving forward, yes you’re hurt but if you were really in love, then they shouldn’t expect anything less from you.
AVOID CONTACT: This is a very big step because you might feel that you have to text him/her. You might feel that you can’t end this relationship until you guys straighten things out. Wrong again.. you’ll text him, he might answer and say just the right words to reel you in… and in a couple of months or maybe even weeks or days, you’ll be here reading this blog again. In some cases like myself, you might get lucky he might not even try to fix things, which might make it easier to move on.
Moving on: When I say this I don’t mean move on to the next guy. I mean seriously take sometime for yourself, work on your self. Do you have any goals? Work on accomplishing those. Did you gain weight during the relationship ? Well now is your time to lose it, get back to the way you want to be. Go to the movies alone, have a spa day. Take a road trip. Leave the past in the past and move on with your life.
Plan your future: This is your time, you have no one holding you back. Go to school get a degree, work at a job where you are actually happy to be. Build your future alone. One day in the far future you might meet someone that has already done the same thing and together you will build an amazing future, but for the time being build your own. Save the money that you spend at starbucks every morning, or the money you spend going to target and buying things you really don’t need. After a couple of years of saving you’ll have enough for a nice vacation, or a down payment on something you can call yours. Point of this step is to plan your future with out that individual, so you can see that with out that person it’s still possible.
Ladies,don’t think that because your friend got over her ex in a month you too have to do it in a month. Everyone is different, everyones form of love is different, everyone seeks closure in different ways. Everyone has different ways of working through their problems. Don’t follow anyones time line, take advice from everyone because you never know how it might benefit you.  I have given to many chances and have gotten my heart broken to many times. This time I’m thinking of myself, I’m working on myself and that’s what all of you should do. Nothing is ever promised and you must always have a back up. Stay strong and positive and I promise this will get better. You will get over it. 


Xoxo,

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